ROSEMONT, Minnesota – December 17, 2011 – Officials from Rosemount High School are apologizing for a “prank” that will almost surely lead to a lifetime of awkward family gatherings and thousands of hours of therapy for the students involved. Minnesota’s Rosemount High had an idea for a prank at this year’s winter pep rally. [...]

WESTFORD, Massachusetts (PNN) – December 19, 2011 – Westford, Massachusetts school officials are getting tough on classroom holiday parties. They’re banning sugary snacks and sweetened beverages from the celebrations this year. Students are being told to leave the Christmas cookies, cakes, candy bars, and soda at home and to bring fruits, unsweetened juices, popcorn and [...]

ASBURY PARK, New Jersey – December 13, 2011 – The unfamiliar noise from Jaclyn Boruch’s cell phone startled her. She reflexively grabbed it. What she saw next scared her. In bold red letters were the words “CMAS Alert” followed by “Civil Emergency in this area until 1:24 PM EST Take Shelter Now U.S. Govern.” The [...]

MIAMI, Florida – November 20, 2011 – NASCAR fans booed First Lady Michelle Obama and Jill Biden, wife of Vice President Joe Biden, before the start of the Ford 400 at Homestead-Miami Speedway. Obama and Biden served as Ford 400 Grand Marshals, where they addressed the drivers’ meeting Sunday afternoon before presiding over the ceremonial [...]

GLENDALE, Arizona (PNN) – November 17, 2011 – Fascist regulators in the city of Glendale are imposing a ban on artificial grass. Unlawful and unconstitutional notices are going out to homeowners whose front yards are covered in turf. Geneva Dotson says she was forced to pay crews $3,000 to rip up her brand new front [...]

Fascist un-Amerikan homeowners association demands veteran remove Amerikan flag or face eviction. SPRINGFIELD, Oregon – November 4, 2011 – Edward Zivica, a 70-year-old who served in the Navy in the 1960s, faces a hard choice come Veterans Day next week: He can obey the rules and remain in his apartment complex, or he can follow [...]

If you burn your yard rather than mow it, you might be a redneck, says comedian Jeff Foxworthy. But how might you realize you’re a zombie?Here are the top ten signs that you just might be a zombie… Sign #1: If you routinely take flu shot vaccines and then wonder why you still catch the [...]

Anti-American socialist foolishly violates First Amendment guarantees, inviting legal action. SOMERVILLE. Massachusetts – October 18, 2011 – An elementary school principal has caused outrage by banning Halloween, Thanksgiving and Columbus Day, saying they are insensitive. Anne Foley, the principal at Kennedy School in Somerville, Massachusetts, sent an email to teachers warning them about celebrating Thanksgiving. [...]

BOSTON, Massachusetts – October 9, 2011 – Imagine you own a million-dollar piece of property free and clear, but then the federal government and local law enforcement agents announce that they are going to take it from you, not compensate you one dime, and then use the money they get from selling your land to [...]

BISBEE, Arizona – Border Patrol agents have pressured YouTube into censoring a video of agents making an arrest on the southern Arizona border. The video includes the image of a migrant with a bloody nose. After Border Patrol agents made a privacy complaint, and YouTube yanked the video, Border Patrol in the Bushes, the American [...]